I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
