My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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