Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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