I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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