some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize