She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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