im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
