so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
