i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
