he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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