Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
