i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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