Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
