I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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