Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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