DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
