I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
