so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
