i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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