im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
