I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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