yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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