Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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