Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
