I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
