just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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