That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
