Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
