is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
