i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
