are you still at the devil's house?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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