Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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