so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
