I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
