No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
