6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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