I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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