every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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