Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
