Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
