If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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