I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I will die if light touches me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I fill condoms, not promises.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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