he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
