dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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