I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
