I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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