why didn't you poke me back
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize