some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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