thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i've created a new STD.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
