oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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