i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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