I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she told me i tasted like america
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize