There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
