careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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