I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
