So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
