I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
