i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
