You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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