Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
