TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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