I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
