I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
