on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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