$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
