isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
