The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
