Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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