apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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