Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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