Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
