If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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