i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
