you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
