his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
